Tuesday, October 30, 2007

1 Year, 59 Days - Posted 1 Year, 68 Days

So, yeah – where was I? Ah, yes – in the middle of an email (or lack of email) crisis; on the floor, head banging. The boy in question eventually emailed and I was, as I cleverly predicted, instantly awash with giggling, naivety and floods of sixteen-year-old hormones. Fickle…or just excited to have some male attention? The latter I think, quite confidently. (“SCREW YOU”, Evil Stepmother) We began conversing, or as close as you can get via the Internet. Perhaps someone with a few more brain cells than I at that moment, would have realised that sleeping tablets and emails do not mix - but I, so intent on keeping the “conversation” going, didn’t stop to think. No sensible offering (“I should really go to sleep now”, “…it’s late”’ – “Let’s chat later.”) was made oh, no – no - no, ‘twas not. Instead I kept going back and forth, to and fro. Silly, silly girl.

Verging on flirtatious, our emails became more fervent as we danced together into the wee small hours…until he asked for the money shot. The most definitive and telling of all questions - the (possibly) sanctionable and satanic request, for a full body image. All my insane attraction and delirium gone in the swift tap of a few lower case keys. I had visions of my orca suited, inflatable self, speeding across bandwidth. Had it not been for the hefty sedation seeping atrophy to my limbs, I would probably have been retching into a bucket. There it was, staring at me from the sanctity of my previously virginal inbox in all its luminescent glory – the deal breaker of all deal breaking requests – my ass on a plate.

The whole point of having a ‘virtual boyfriend’ was to be treated as an equal. My inertia and flaws had been missing from my profile, yet they were all here now, towering above me as a virtual snagging list.

My comedic response with thinly veiled sarcasm (his desire to barter with camels) was met with stony silence. To this day, I have heard nothing more from Edinburgh Boy.

To be continued…

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