Thursday, September 20, 2007

1 Year, 22 Days

Friday, 14 Septebber 2007

More advice to myself:

Use sterile saline and adhesive free dressings to clean and attend to any severe self-inflicted wounds. They will heal quickly and will itch less. It will also cut down the risk of infection and additional scratching. Your skin will not like the tape used to attach dressings and it will hurt like hell changing the dressings. Do not soak the dressings off – it is much more painful.

You will get tired of “talk therapy”.

You will feel that you are making no progress. This is when a journal comes in handy.

It is OK to go out and have a good time. Oftentimes these occasions will be few and far between so make the most of them.

You will feel your body lets you down constantly. Your mind will say: “I can go outside today”, or, “I can go on a train this week”, then – for no apparent reason - your body will say “NO!” loudly and you won’t be able to go anywhere.

You can feel claustrophobic anywhere.

You will not know the answer to why you feel a certain way on a certain day. Some days, things that set you off on a downward spiral of despair, will make you wet your knickers laughing the next.

People will have opinions about how you should be managing your recovery.

Friends will be scared of you until they know you are not dangerous.

Some people think depression is like M.E. – made up.

At times, people close to you will tell you: “Everyone is depressed”. They aren’t.

People will wonder why you cannot snap out of your depression. They will think that flinging yourself, full pelt, back into life will make you immediately better. “Busy people are well people”.

Do not ask for an opinion if you are not prepared for the answer.

You will feel paranoid. You will feel like people are humouring you. You will feel like everyone is lying to you, just to make you feel better.

You will feel that everyone is talking about you behind your back.

The NHS is not geared up to treat those with depression safely and with the amount of attention sometimes required. You will be left alone, to fend for yourself, a lot.

If you are assigned a “team” of nurses, counsellors and psychiatrists – DO NOT assume that they communicate with each other.

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