Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Day 349.1

9.35am:
I am not going to tell my Mum I self harmed last night. She still calls me every morning to bribe me to get up. She keeps talking and talking and talking until I am awake and until she is sure I won't go back to sleep again. She gets upset when I tell her about the scratching and last time she shouted. Frustrated shouting I think, but my head can't hear that today. I am tired and am waiting for the Charlie's to arrive with a man from some "integration" place. I have been told he will take me out for cups of tea. "The Arm" in nipping. Nippety-nip-nip-nip. It hurts and I can see the ooze, weeping through the dressing.

The house is doing my head in. Today I might just get some black bags and stuff everything in them. Everything that say's: "I was here". I would like to be blank. I would like my world to be blank and un cluttered so I don't have to think about it. I would like someone to pay the bills and invent food that cooks itself, with self-cleaning plates. I would like someone to invent floors that ingest their own dirt and dust, just so I can go to sleep. Sleepety, sleep, sleep, sleep. That's what I'd like to do today...

C'est la vie.

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