Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Day 335

Things that are horrible, but you have to do them - part one:
I had to call the new “Biscuit Centre” this morning to voice my concerns regarding my appointment yesterday. The person they wanted me to talk to wasn't there, so I am waiting for a call back. I am shaking and tired. And scared. I feel like I am complaining and I hate complaining. I am also terrified they will tell me to “fuck off” and that I can accept what I’m given or ‘sling me hook’.

Things that are horrible, but you have to do them - part two:
I also called my old CPN to see if she knew the best way to handle "this" or if she knew anyone from that centre that she could recommend I talk to – she was in a meeting so I have to wait for her to call me back. I also need to make an appointment to see my GP to explain to her what happened yesterday and that I am not “happy” to come off the Diazepam as her locum suggested in his letter to the new place – the surgery was closed.

I say all this under the guise of “having to”. I spoke to my (step)Dad this morning and asked his advice, him being a retired medical professional and all. His rather sage advice was to do all of the above. I say, “have to”, because I don’t want to, nobody is making e do it, but “I have to” or nothing will change. What is the point in making all the effort to try to talk to these people if you can’t trust them, plus I’d rather not have someone mock me about suicide when I do so? ( I think that was my thought?) Ah, bless all those in the mental health, caring position. I nod sagely at you, as you are supposed to at me?

Things that are horrible, but you have to do them - part three:
Later, I have to call the Council about my latest bill that has magically transformed itself from £0.00 to £130.00 odd. Apparently Council Tax bills are more magical than a Harry Potter book.

“Me, stressed. Are you kidding? The epitome of calm I am, serene and relaxed…”

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