Sunday, July 15, 2007

Day 326

A day similar to yesterday, although today started at 5am with killer sinus attack which sent me into a flat spin. Why do seemingly trivial things take so much out of me and create such mayhem? I have a killer headache, yes, I feel like I've had a stroke down one side of my face, yes - but I'm not dead, and I'm not about to die, but yet it feels like that is likely.

So I spent yet another day in bed. I was too frightened to go out to get some decongestants. How depressing is that? Is it just because I feel vulnerable anyway that the smallest of things send me into a loop that I feel I can't get myself out of?

Sometimes I think I need to get into the best physical shape of my life to beat this bastard. If I am physically on top of my game, would I be able to cope with all that depression brings, and if so, how does one find the motivation/energy to get into the frame of mind needed to exercise? I walk, yes, every day (unless the bogeyman is here). For miles, I walk, but yet still so damn unfit that I feel a feather could knock me down.

All the "Depression" books say exercise, exercise, exercise. I thought I was, but hey - obviously not enough.

Time for more Olbas oil steams and a bath methinks. Oh what a glamorous life I lead…

Still wearing same stinky smoking clothes over PJ’s as yesterday and my hair is now glued to my head like an oil slick. I look so pretty.

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