Saturday, July 14, 2007

Day 325 - Saturday

"A lot of days, my friend, a lot of days" [...have passed since my last post and have passed since this all started].

It is coming up to the anniversary of my meltdown. Two years ago, on the 25th July I sat weeping, trying not to jump out of an upstairs window as my (then) partner walked out of the door and left me rocking. TWO YEARS. It doesn't really feel like that because I was back at work a few weeks later, out of my mind on drugs and worked until the 24th March 2006 before I finally threw in the towel on my job and London, for good. The next day I was on a train heading "home". Ah, those were the days. The days when I got on trains and made decisions. Funny really that you don't see what's coming.

It's been a busy week, counselling has been tough and I have a million things to write, but somehow it all seems to wordy and too much for right now. Too much that it stops me from writing anything, so I might just jot down a few lines about today to get started and write the rest later. If I remember.

Today was pretty dull, because it involved sleeping. All day. My excuse is that I've had a busy week. Which I have, but it was just one of those days when I just couldn't find the energy to do anything. I lay on my bed with my smoking clothes (the clothes I wear to go downstairs to sit on the step and have a fag before I am washed and dressed properly) over my pyjamas, and set the alarm for one hour. Six hours later I hauled my still-dead-to-the-world backside, out of bed. Not entirely sure why, because I wasn't planning on doing anything. Then I had some dinner - salad. Washed the mountain of dishes and watched a bit of a film about La Lopez kicking her bullying ex husbands ass. And now I am in bed listening to suitably melancholy songs, tippety tapping away on my laptop.


"Now, wasn't that worth the wait?" No, I didn't think so...


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