Sunday, March 25, 2007

Day 214

Today is my one-year anniversary north of the border. Strangely, I think I feel just as unsettled as I did when I arrived.

When do you actually begin to feel at home somewhere? What do you need to have in your life both externally and internally for you to feel “at home”? Whatever it is, I obviously haven’t found it yet, and yes, slightly resentfully, I admit that my search continues.

Ironically my Mum and I spent the day packing up all my belongings - she came down yesterday to help and boy was I glad to see her. After a few days of being big and brave on my own and hanging out with our visitor from down south, I needed a familiar (Mum shaped) face. The visit, although great, had proved far more difficult that I had ever imagined. I am still constantly shocked by my general, um...lack. Having old and new worlds colliding with each other in a relatively small place (my brain) is a strange thing and my head didn't quite want to cope with it. I did however give it my best shot and I didn’t retreat to my bed as usual. I also managed to have fun a lot of the time – mind you I did weep a lot. ANYWAY, Mum and I, we spent the day today, carefully wrapping my life back into boxes, making ready for the move. My pre-guest cleanup last week proved more fruitful than I thought, making the plan to fire everything that was left into boxes, entirely more palatable – thus far anyway.

I get the keys for my new place next Saturday and the movers come a week on Wednesday. I am still determined that something is going to go wrong and they’ll tell me I can’t have it after all. Hopefully they won’t, but I doubt I’ll believe it until I get the keys in my hand and the lease is signed. We got the pre-tenancy determination from Housing Benefit last week and the rent was valued at over what was deemed acceptable for the property I am planning to move into. Due to the speed in which this valuation was done, I expect the lazy sod (Rent Officer) didn’t get off his backside to actually go and see the place and now we are faced with a (probably) lengthy appeal.

Who said that being on benefit wasn’t fun? Oh aye, that would have been me…


Blogger MasterQ said...

Feeling at home has to do with a sense of safety and familiarity. Familiarity is the easy part, it's just knowing where things are, getting used to the new. Safety is relative, subjective, a state of mind. Feeling safe takes a bit of denial.

2:59 am  

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