Friday, January 12, 2007

Day 145

"I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face..."

Sir Mix-A-Lot you have a lot to answer to. That is stuck in my head.

Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed - I was beyond tired and avoiding things: paying bills, calling the landlord...so I slept the day away. And then I killed my mobile phone by dropping it in the bath. I killed it in hot, pink, fluffy, candy smelling, bath water. Imagine the joy of telling that to Mr Orange Mobile, Insurance Claim Man.

It has been quite a liberating experience being without mobile for 24 hours; although people did start to panic when they couldn't find me. I guess a self distructive person, being incommunicado is not a good idea (I should have told Orange that when they told me I couldn't have a new mobile from the shop). I met up with my best friend this afternoon and we actually had to make a concrete arrangement to meet at a certain time and place because I was without mobile. It all felt rather Victorian.

Apart from my very quiet, mobile interruption free day - counselling today was hard work, but good. There was a certain friction in the air that was quite interesting and duly noted. Every time my counsellor tried to say something positive or encouraging I gave her twenty reasons why it wasn't so. And apparently I did a lot of glaring.

We talked a lot about my relationship with my family and how different I feel to them at times. I mentioned that I thought they would die if I didn't speak to them every minute of every day. My counsellor suggested that this might have something to do with the "people leave because of me" theme, that I have going on. We also talked about my (in her opinion) lack of laziness. I found that quite interesting. She doesn't see me as a lazy person at all. I also talked about my wish to erase the past. I asked if we could talk about the weird 'food thing' next week.

Other things I did today were:
Stood outside a flat I want to live in and gazed at it in a slightly terrified manner.
Went to the house of a friend I've never been too before - it was amazing - it was like stepping into a Sylvia Plath poem/film.
Talked to two old men outside a boozer in the East End and got called "Beauty Queen", my friend got called "Mia Farrow"- I think she won.
I washed the dishes, painted my nails a healthy shade of black and I avoided answering the telephone.
Got told three very funny jokes by a cabbie, one of which I have now forgotten (the one I laughed at the most).
I decided I want a whippet.
I watched Eastenders which was VERY dull. There is only so much of Martin and Sonia that I can bear. And that bloody Tracy (or whatever her name is) and her not very secret affair.
I got a new diary. My year can now begin and I shall be organised. And elasticated.

Dismaying news of the day: My love affair with "Gilmore Girls" has ended. Plus I now have an almighty, unweildy and deeply unecessary crush on Spike from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" - so I've cut myself off from watching both. As you can imagine, my life is now very empty.

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