Thursday, January 11, 2007

Day 143

Look out...

Today: Cancelled my NHS counselling appointment to accompany my best friend to a scary hospital appointment she had. And then we ate cake (twice) because she got the "all clear".

Yesterday, was shite. Well, I had a nice luncheon with the afore mentioned best friend, then...I got an eviction notice from my landlord. She is selling the flat. I have to move. That'll teach me to "hate the flat".

Then I went to Slimming World. Yes, I did. And then I went to Asda and bought food I will never eat; including 5 Banana and Custard flavoured Muller lite yoghurts, (for the love of God) and 3 packets of dehydrated pasta, mixed with E numbers.

I got home late, and felt as sick as a dog, couldn't eat anything because it was all vile and had panic attacks all evening.

Then I got all stupid and maudlin and dug out old photos. Fool that I am.

Then I decided to text the "Ex, Ex", who told me that he has a new girlfriend and told me to piss off. I thought better than to remind him that it was he who opened the can of worms that is now riggling about widly. Knife-in-heart-ouch. Big, fat, stupid, asking-for-it, fool (me, again). I have now deleted his number from my phone and I can't remember it from memory - so that's good, right? I think I have it written down somewhere, but I can't remember where that is either. I still haven't stopped cringeing. I am obviously 12 years old and have just been dumped and am behaving so.

Then I started scratching my face. So took Diazepam at 3am and tried to get to sleep. (Apparently self-harming is an addiction - so says a new book that I am reading)

So today I wasn't on great form - I felt like I had a hangover all day and fely really, really, really stupid for last night's behaviour. "Stupid, stupid girl"

To top it all off - I have been sat here for the last hour looking up mystic, cross-my-palm-with-silver, tarot readers in my area. Hilarious. I have officially become the most stupid and pathetic person I know and it's only 10 days into the New Year.

Well done.


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