Friday, December 08, 2006

Day 110

I walked past the newspaper stand in the train station this morning - thinking "I should get a paper". So, I doubled back, following what can only be described as a 'force of nature' and picked up the paper - "today will be a good day for reading my star sign", I had concluded.

Boy was I right...

"It may feel like you've opened Pandora's box and all the sprites, ghosts and creepy-crawlies are flocking around. But there is a safety line of wisdom. If you can't find it in yourself, ask for help."

Good job I was on my way to my Friday counselling appointment at the time.

The appointment was painful, to say the least, and I required a blanket at one point. I have NEVER spoken about the "Ex, ex" to any counsellor before. Hard, does not even come close. He has been in my head since he called on Wednesday night. Last night I text him asking "So, did you change your mind, in the cold light of day?". He didn't reply, so I guess he's going to make an excuse not to meet up on Sunday, as he previously requested. I should be used to this by now, but every time, I go through the same ritual - I get out the photographs and put on the songs. I allow myself to wallow, so deeply in him for about 72 hours and then I have to stop before my heart falls out.

He is supposed to be calling me tomorrow night to arrange for Sunday. So, that means I have a further 24 hours of winding myself up before he doesn't call and I fall into a pit of despair. This is why I DO NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO THINK ABOUT HIM. Ever.


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