Sunday, November 26, 2006

Day 98

Today is the scary day, that way back in the beginning of this record of my "illness" and hopeful "recovery", that I predicted might be the day that "...I press the wrong thing...and delete the whole bloody thing."

That was on Monday, August 21st 2006 and thus far the blog seems to have remained intact, (oooh don't tempt fate...) as am I - relatively speaking (not really bothered about tempting that fate - or am I?).

The latter is a rather peculiar thought, as I truly wondered, many times, if I would still be here on this date - be it blogging or breathing. But I guess I am. "Snaps for Rozza".

Things that are different from that day to this are:
1) I am on different medication.
2) I have scars, too numerous to mention on both my hands and arms.
3) I have shorter hair. One side longer than the other as I tried to hack off all my hair on a bad day, and (luckily?) stopped half way through the act.
4) I can fit into clothes that have lain in my wardrobe, mocking me, for nigh on a year.

There will be others, I am sure, but as one of my 'rules of blogging' is that I never re-read my entries, I can't be that specific.

Taking stock: days have rolled into weeks, weeks into months, and now, looking back, it seems to be a pitifully short amount of time that I have been recording my daily thoughts/activities/minor accomplishments. Mind you that is a grand total of 2352 hours of breathing (unless you count the breath-loss attributed to anxiety attacks). More snaps please...


Blogger Snoskred said...

Time seems to fly these days. It is always good to take stock, and seriously you have to give yourself a huge pat on the back, I think.

When I was really down in that dark cavern of depression a few years ago now, some days I would not manage to get out of bed at all. So on the days I did, I really had to make sure I was congratulating myself on having managed it, because at the time it was a huge achievement for me. It would have been hard for normal functioning people to understand the mammoth effort involved in just getting up vs sleeping the day away. It was like running a marathon every time I did it.

Now looking back on how far I have come since then, it's unbelievable to me really. It's unbelievable that I survived it, that I managed to crawl my way out of there with my fingernails. It took me a lot longer, I didn't have much help, mainly because I could not get it together to ask for help.

In a year from now, you will look back and be surprised on how far you've travelled. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

Congratulations Rozza. ;)

2:00 am  

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