Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Day 93

Mum has arrived with chicken soup. I love her. I'm convinced she has a bat cape on under her clothes.

I went outside today, with the proper attire on; no more puked on socks for me. I'm sure everybody is breathing a sigh of relief at that one. Plus I had breakfast at breakfast time. Given, it was a teeny, tiny bowl of conrnflakes, but hey at least I'm on to solids.

The mood (my mood) is low, but It's been an OK day so far. I feel very small, on the cusp of emotion at all times and keep getting freaked out by watching Gilmour Girls. I've been watching it for about 3 days now, (back to back episodes) and keep thinking that because they are in America, I have to be in America. Not because I love them, but just because they are so Goddamn cheerful and cheerful people go places, and I want to be a cheerful person that goes places. Then I freak out. They are also ALWAYS eating, and that makes me think I should be eating more. Then I start thinking about weird, American food combinations that I have eaten in the past - pancakes with maple syrup, sour cream, cheese and green pickle - (yes, on the same plate) and then bad things happen in my head - usually culminating in a panic attack.

Medication wise, I'm doing OK on the 50mg of Sertraline, I keep thinking about upping the dosage, because I would like to be a little more numb than I am now, plus I am not enjoying the recent glut of emotions that keep appearing. But, that would be 'hiding' which random advice givers keep telling me "...is not good", but quite frankly today, I don't care. I want to be numb. Numb and floaty.

I am also very restless and keeping getting up to do things like shaking the ratty, living room rug outside (in freezing, sub zero temperatures I might add), changing the filter in the water filter and generally being twitchy. I think another To Do List is in order. Getting everything out of my head and onto a piece of paper = good thinking. The Bank has also decided to steal my money again. I thought all this bollocks was supposed to have stopped now? I might take my stupid Money Plant back to Ikea and get a refund, It's obviously faulty. Bloody auspicious wealth corners. Pah.


Blogger Snoskred said...

hey, i cry at telephone commercials. *all* the time. ;) To do lists are great. I've commented here a few times and I guess I've figured out you're not going to publish my comments, but that's ok.. :) I can still make them, right? ;)

1:16 pm  
Blogger MasterQ said...

Have just finished reading your blog from beginning to end. It's been an inspiration watching (reading) how you've improved over the past month or so. Hoping for many more green sticker days for you, and that you will continue writing.

4:15 am  

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