Saturday, November 11, 2006

Day 83

Agh, it's stunningly cold outside and the flat is freezing. My eyes look like pee holes in the snow from all that weeping last night and I feel totally battered.

Had a very long lie in this morning, thanks to a late night and a sleeping tablet, and missed the Remembrance Day minute's silence, which I was really annoyed about. Technically, I would have been silent at eleven - because I was sleeping - but that's just a crap excuse.

Both my grandfathers fought in the war and my Granddad was a P.O.W in Japan, so yes, annoyed with myself. I'll do it again tomorrow and light a candle - even though it's not technically the same thing. Honestly with all the crap that goes on in the world and the atrocities that my own family faced, you'd think I would be able to light a bloody candle on the right day, at the right time and take a moment. I am a very bad person.

Apart from that, I had a quick start to the day with my lovely friend coming to get me to take me to Ikea - our lovely Scandinavian utopia. I shot out of bed and straight onto the misery of the city busses. Jesus, that's enough to tip you over the edge. The trips triumph being a Christmas tree. (Yes, I know it's only November.) It's orange and is actually more like a twig, but I like it. It shall sit somewhere in the flat, looking twiggy and orange until it is a suitable date to hang fancy things on it and transform it into a Christmas tree.

Now, dinner and copious amounts of NCIS on TV. Bring it on.

Can't decide on a sticker colour - I feel too weird.


Blogger Zazzy said...

Blogging about your journey through depression does feel strange (I went back and read some of your early posts). I question myself why I do it. But it does turn out to be useful, not only to see where you've been, but to start picking out patterns and triggers.

It's a hard path out of depression. I just wanted to say you are not alone out there.

6:13 pm  

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