Saturday, November 04, 2006

Day 76.1

The day began slowly with me sleeping in again; hardly surprising really, considering I took a sleeping tablet after 2am. My body clock is all off kilter, with late nights and no mornings to speak of - must try and address that this week. I was a bit weary and tearful early on, although no tears actually materialised. I did, however, spend a fair amount of time agonising over the state of my latest 'creations'.

I am utterly despairing of the state of my arms and hands. I cannot believe I have done this to myself. I look awful. I sometimes feel guilty, guilty that other people have scars that they have had no cause in, and I chose to do this to myself. I however remain to profess that I had no control over myself at the time. Which is true to a point, as it always feels like someone else did it...

Later, I cleaned up after last nights 'soiree', and at about 4pm I headed into town to hang out with my friend. Even though no part of me wanted to go out, I knew if I stayed in things would have become a lot worse. Distraction, distraction, distraction.

So, I saw my best friend, we chatted and she made me some lovely food, then we went to an opening in town. It's been ages since I've been out amongst that many people for a long, long time; but I did OK - I'd had a wicked caffeine fix before we left her house. Caffeine always makes me chatty - maybe slightly manic, but at least not sullen and monosyllabic.

And now I find myself watching naked people dance across my TV set in possibly the worst film ever made. Oh the joys...


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