Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Day 73

To move or not to move? That be the question, but what is the answer? The landlord has just sent me a text asking about extending the lease.

I suppose being lease-less for the last 2 months has been quite nice because I've felt that I can go whenever I want. I've been dallying with the thought of moving for the last month, but sitting here, amid a crisis tidy up, I think - this is my home. Yes, it sucks that my best mate is living in the other corner of the city, but then I have another friend in the opposite direction. In fact when I think of it, my 4 good girlfriends are dotted at the 4 corners of this city and we're probably all the same distance apart.

My main worry is that I moved to this area to be close to a mate for emotional support and she hasn't been here. I decided then that it wasn't smart to move somewhere for someone else, and if I move again to be geographically closer to someone else - am I then not doing exactly the same thing? Plus you cannot put all that pressure on someone else to be there for you when you need them. It might not be convenient.

The thought of packing up again now and moving anywhere makes me twirly. "Just check the lease, Rozza, it probably says you give a months notice and you're out anyway, so what's the fuss?". "Ah yes, good point caller".

"She's doing great" is all relative. Relative to the horrors that have gone before, yes I am. Relative to normal functionality, no I'm not.

Bloody leases. Contracts. Decisions.

I scared myself silly last night thinking about dead people. Then I started thinking about people coming into my house to 'get me'. I read 'till the wee small hours with one eye on the bedroom door, fully expecting to see a hairy hand reaching round it. Then I took a pill.


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