Sunday, October 29, 2006

Day 70

Nighttime kicks up its heels and laughs in my general direction. It has been a sloth like day, but mainly pleasant ‘till about 6pm. Then I got tired/bored/fed up and am now just lying on the couch staring through candles at the TV.

There has been a certain jolly-ness to this weekend. There have even been a few songs and the occasional wiggle of the hip. Bizarrely. Maybe it was the ‘feel good’ films I rented on Saturday? If that’s the case then I’d better get renting more, and fast. “They call me mellow, yellow…” (Well, yesterday was green actually.)

I also did a strange thing today. I invited three of my girlfriends round for dinner at my house on Friday night. I can’t believe I did it. It feels like such a huge thing. Well, I suppose it is. I haven’t had a dinner party for about 9 or 10 years. I used to do it a lot, in my previous life, and I’ll probably cook the same things. Hilarious. My repartee has hardly had the chance to expand since then, has it?

Now I just have to get the house in order, plan the food, the tunes and conversation. (Got to think of something other than my medication to talk about.) Jesus, what have I done? No, it will be fine. But, I can’t cancel. I cannot allow myself to back out now. Not at any point this week. No matter how hard it gets.

It feels like an ‘outing’ of sorts, like a debutante being welcomed into society – just with less organdy and tulle – although you never know... I look over the flat and think – “this bears nothing of how I want people to see me.” Must fix that.

Bollocks, still haven’t paid the bills or sorted out the lack of funds. Must also, not procrastinate this week. Email has also gone AWOL, which is a bit annoying as it makes me feel like I’m alone. Weird that. Bit like bloody Tom Hanks talking to that football on “Castaway”.

I cried when Wilson floated out to sea. I have inanimate objects as friends and I talk to them, sometimes we have quite pleasant conversations. Although my friends don’t have faces fashioned out of my blood. Yet.


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