Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Day 65

A tricky/sticky day today. All my pending chores felt like treacle and I couldn’t flick any of it off. Avoidance levels were at a premium.

I had a follow up, ‘voluntary’ meeting with my advisor at the local job centre this morning, (funny how they never feel voluntary) where we went through a tedious meeting to find out about my eligibility for working Tax Credits. (“Just something for the future”, he said.) You have to be a super brain to unravel all their jargon. He gave me a ream of paper printouts to read at my leisure. Yawn. It would be interesting to understand it all, but listening to him I was drifting off into unpaid bills territory and got stuck there. I have piles of unopened bills and paperwork lying around the flat and they are all screaming for my attention. So when I got home I went to bed to sleep. And managed to avoid the day, pretty much altogether. Well, the afternoon anyway. Sleep comes naturally when there are important things that I should be attending to. How ironic. I don't have to see him again until the beginning of December - I explained the set back with meds and self harming. Small mercies?

Fresh start tomorrow and all that…

I did, rather interestingly make an unprecedented trip to the library after my meeting this morning. I was also shocked to realise, when emptying my book bag that I had managed to unthinkingly pick up a pile of books on e-commerce and marketing. Old habits die hard obviously.

A yellow sticker day today, based on mood alone, but for lack of attention to everyday necessities I get a no score. I still haven’t done the washing up since Sunday, and those bloody bills. I can’t be arsed cooking so I am eating weird combinations of food. Dinner consisted of 6 prawns and some cucumber. (And a cup of hot chocolate and a few fags.)

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