Saturday, October 07, 2006

Day 48

Mum's coming to rescue me...AGAIN.

How much of a failure do I feel? She will be here at 1pm and then we are heading straight to the Highlands. I am taking the hamster because I am a very bad hamster mother. I have neglected my charge since the madness/sickness set in. I am also a very bad person for not being able to cope on my own. I am also very bad for not being able to keep my appointmnet with my shoutey CPN on Monday because I won't be here. Fucking stupid piece of crap system.

Somone who is on the 'severe mental health illness register' or whatever the fuck it is called, calls an emergency service at night saying she has just self harmed and she needs to know what medication to take to calm things down. She doesn't call her mum because she feels bad that she keeps having to call her - so she calls the number she's been given for emergencies. The CPN on duty at the end of the emergency number doesn't know what medication I can take. He asks if he can call me back. In the meantime I kill myself. Well, no I didn't actually but I nearly gave myself a new haircut with my razor.

The doctor (house visit) yesterday reckons I did have a virus after all and she reckoned the sick/faint thing was due to lack of nutrition - because I was feeling so sick and I couldn't eat and then because I couldn't eat I felt sick. She gave me a freaking suppository for the nausea. At least she left me to 'insert' it by myself.

So still feeling sick and wobbly and my hand hurting like hell, I await the return of my maman. Crap.


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