Monday, October 02, 2006

Day 43

I am dressed. Imagine my surprise...not washed, but I had a bath last night so I think I'm still clean. I have also re-potted a plant. A rather nice peace lilly is now living in a nice big plant pot. Although, it'll probably die now because I messed with it's root systems.

I am also re-arranging the house - again. I do it every week I think. My desk, that I never sit at, is the only item that remains in the same place. And the fridge - although I did move it about three times before it found it's final resting place in a charming alcove. Oh well. A sure sign that I'm not settled where I am as my dearest mama keeps reminding me. Well, I'm not, so then this manic, moving behaviour is appropriate; yes? I am also being driven mental by my own clutter. I honestly don't know where all the shit that gets stacked up on shelves, and under beds comes from. Actually there isn't anything under my bed apart from a half written diary, because if there was something under there - I wouldn't be able to check for bogeymen. (Yes, I still do that.) And in cupboards before I go to sleep. But there is a lot of crapola everywhere else in this flat.

I have also found out (today) that wearing an apron around the house makes you do things; like the washing up and tidying. (I am trying to keep awake because I took a sleeping tablet at 3.30am when I was going nuts because I couldn't sleep and now I just want to sleep. Which is what I did all day yesterday. So I have to stay awake until bedtime. That's the rules.)

I have also been the worst snoop-doggy-dog today and was sneaking around the tinternet finding things out about ex boyfriends. One of them is now married. He looked a bit weird in his suit I must say.

And now I must try and eat something. I have this weird thing going on with my mouth at the moment - I don't like opening it for anything larger than a Wotsit. Which is quite good because that's about the only thing I fancy eating. All food tastes too foody which is a phenomenon that I discovered early on in the meltdown last year. When I go off kilter the first thing to go is the mouth. It clamps shut tighter than my knees when someone talks about stitches and childbirth.


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