Friday, September 29, 2006

Day 40

40 days and 40 nights. Today, my Blog becomes as long as Lent.

Mum left this morning at 8am, I cried. I don't normally cry when she goes, because I have to pretend to be big and strong and that I'm ok so she can leave easily without getting upset. But I cried and then she cried.

I don't know why it was harder this time, her leaving me here. I think maybe because coming back to my flat always feels like starting at the beginning again. I don't know how it's going to be this round. Will it end like all the others, with me hitting the wall and calling her so scared that I'm so out of my mind that I might die?

I've never been one for putting one foot in front of the other and taking each day as it comes, but I think I'm going to have to learn.

Still walking around like a half shut knife after yesterday's vomitus actions - which is never a good look, and now I have to haul myself out of bed to get to counselling on time.

There was also a giant spider in the sink this morning. I am officially a spider magnet.


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