Saturday, September 09, 2006

Day 20

"Day 17

They also keep reminding me that when I am finally off these babies, I will probably notice actually how much help/relief they were giving me. I say nothing.

posted by Rozza at 7:36 PM"

Ha. The shit is really hitting the fan now. The oh so famous last words quoted above. The world is spinning out of control and I am clinging, spreadeagle, to the ground like I have the worst hangover in the world. My old friends the panic attacks are creeping back in and my daily usage of Diazepam has also resumed; full force. I am constantly on the verge of tears at all times and had a giant, spontaneous weep last night on the phone to my mum. That hasn't happened properly for a loooong time, (apart from the hesitant trickle last week). All this from reducing the Citalopram to 10mg? What the hell can I expect next week when I am cold turkey. Today I spent the entire day convincing myself to put one foot in front of the other. This was pretty difficuly seeing though I was in company. I dread what to think I would have been like left alone.

I haven't had a sleeping tablet for 7 days. It's painful but I'm trying not to allow myself to get freaked out by it all. The "sleeping" that is. Plus point number 1.

I again, say nothing, but also pray that I can deal with all this reality. I had no idea...

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